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Literature Text
Rolling towards the middle of my bed,
I only felt more crooked.
Something said "Don't worry,
That is what a world does.
That is You-Land."
I looked at my workplace,
it rested slanted to one side.
"That's life in italics," my eyes said.
"That's you as a Cubist."
I bent my arms and legs and back
And they were all of them crooked.
"It's cool," said the something.
"No one's going to try to trim you away,
landscape you, mow you down,
build something on top."
I saw a tiny god make a crease
Molding a girl into a lost form
Her corners were obtuse and sharp
Everyone tried to fold them in
Their hands were useless and limp.
I looked at everything that grew over me,
it was slightly off-kilter.
I liked it that way.
I only felt more crooked.
Something said "Don't worry,
That is what a world does.
That is You-Land."
I looked at my workplace,
it rested slanted to one side.
"That's life in italics," my eyes said.
"That's you as a Cubist."
I bent my arms and legs and back
And they were all of them crooked.
"It's cool," said the something.
"No one's going to try to trim you away,
landscape you, mow you down,
build something on top."
I saw a tiny god make a crease
Molding a girl into a lost form
Her corners were obtuse and sharp
Everyone tried to fold them in
Their hands were useless and limp.
I looked at everything that grew over me,
it was slightly off-kilter.
I liked it that way.
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This was something I'd debated on posting, because I'd like what I write to at least make a little bit of sense. That, and I think the entire theme is just too cliché.
I for one think it's a bit mixed up theme-wise, but if it is, is it well-blended or just completely random?
Please let me know what you think about this one.
-EDIT-
Thank you to the couple deviants who mentioned my little grammatical error towards the end of the poem!
----
Also, take a look at the critique I put in for Mask by ~AbandonedAmbitions, it's an impressive read and you should tell the writer what you think as well.
Hungry for more writing? Check out
.
I for one think it's a bit mixed up theme-wise, but if it is, is it well-blended or just completely random?
Please let me know what you think about this one.
-EDIT-
Thank you to the couple deviants who mentioned my little grammatical error towards the end of the poem!
----
Also, take a look at the critique I put in for Mask by ~AbandonedAmbitions, it's an impressive read and you should tell the writer what you think as well.
Hungry for more writing? Check out
. © 2012 - 2024 ChemicalBlaze
Comments16
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I actually like this. I understood what you were going for immediately - that feeling of not fitting the mold, but not being completely foreign to it either. Nice work! 
My issue is in the "tiny god" stanza. I got confused in the last three lines as to who "everyone" is and whether it is everyone's hands that are useless and limp or the corners of the girl.
I think that's something to do with the lack of punctuation. I'm not sure where the image is supposed to switch over.
Otherwise, it was a smooth, enjoyable read.
My issue is in the "tiny god" stanza. I got confused in the last three lines as to who "everyone" is and whether it is everyone's hands that are useless and limp or the corners of the girl.
I think that's something to do with the lack of punctuation. I'm not sure where the image is supposed to switch over. Otherwise, it was a smooth, enjoyable read.